The Divided States of America

I rarely blog anymore, partly because I am so busy, and also because I have nothing of real consequence to write about. So after waiting a few days to see how things have unfolded in Ferguson, MO, it's time for me to chime in. 

Racism. It is a very sensitive topic to tackle, say the wrong thing, you're racist. Say the right thing, you're racist. It's true you know. It's a lose, lose as white male for me to talk racism, but let's give it the ol' college try shall we. 

When my daughter comes home from school super excited each day, she babbles on about things her, and her friends had done all day. She mentions the names of all her friends and how awesome life is. Last school year I was a volunteer on one of her class field trips so I had the  privilege of meeting all of these fine young people. When we got there my little lady started to introduce me to all of her friends. Some were white, some black, some Latino, and some were most likely aliens from planet "pick my nose and eat it all day". These kids ran and played all day. They talked about all sorts of things that I'm sure they thought were super important, and not once did any of them treat another person any different because of the color of their skin. Things will never be as simple for those kids as it was right at that moment in time, before they let the world tell them that people are not equal. We as a people are not born to discriminate, we are slowly influenced by the world around us to do so. 

My grandfather was and still is a very racist man. I find that older generations are mostly that way. Something very few people acknowledge though, is that was real racism, compared to what it is today. Back in those days people still believed that blacks were an inferior race, a lesser breed of human, that was not capable of the same things as white people. In today's society, I truly believe that thought has been nearly eliminated. What I see in this generation is discrimination. Let's be real here, discrimination happens between people of all race and color. Black people discriminate against white people just as much as whites to blacks, or whites to Latino, or Latino to black, or Asian to whites, you get the picture. Discrimination isn't just about race either. People are discriminated against because they are poor, overweight, short, tall, red haired ect. There are so many forms of discrimination it's insane. Although discrimination happens between people of all races, sizes and shapes, why does it only become a major issue when it is a white person discriminating? News coverage, protests, ect. I am in no way defending discriminatory actions, but if fairness is the name of the game, let's be logical and acknowledge these things. 

The recent events in ferguson are only gaining media coverage because of what has been perceived by the black community as "racial profiling" leading to the death of an African American man. (Notice I say man, because the media and protestors keep calling him a child. He was 18, legally a grown man.) The fact is people are being killed all over the world and all over the US all day, every day. The only deaths that seem to gain all this attention are when white people kill black people. There is a huge double standard there. When is the last time a story about a black person killing a white person hit the news? Exactly. This is not just in cases of tragedy. It is in everyday life. As long as African Americans hold on to the thought that everything white people do is race related, progress will not be made. Sometimes it's just as simple as a white cop in a scuffle with a black man, the suspect is resisting arrest, and the officer who fears for his safety uses excessive force. It's not an execution or murder as protestors would say. It doesn't have to be race related, but that's what gets news ratings, so sure, go for it.

Ofcourse not all "minorities" think this way. There are a lot of people who see tragedy and death as just that. In the Michael brown case it is a tragedy that a life was taken, and also a tragedy that a husband and father took that life. An officer of the law who has been tasked with justice and keeping the peace, made contact with the suspect. That very man, appointed and given the full authority to uphold the law, asked the suspect to not walk in the middle of the street, a seemingly reasonable request, and the suspect did not cooperate. A scuffle ensued and the suspect ended up dead. I can guarantee you that if Michael brown had cooperated from the start, he would still be alive today. The reason why he didn't cooperate ofcourse, is that he had recently robbed a store, and was anticipating an arrest and jail time. The same can be said for Eric garner. If he was willing to 100% cooperate with police, he would still be alive. Excessive force in both cases? Absolutely. Preventable? Absolutely. Racial? Absolutely not. 

Police officers don't wake up in the morning hoping to kill a black man for no reason and end up possibly losing their job and serving jail time. It just doesn't happen. I'm sure they do wake up hoping to protect and serve and do their jobs to the best of their ability. I'm sure telling someone not to walk in the middle of the street would fall under that. If it was a man or woman of any other race walking in the middle of the street, a cop would use the same procedure. If said suspect resisted arrest and posed physical harm to the officer? Same outcome. The only thing that would possibly be different is the amount of force used. Brown was apparently a 6'4" male, if someone that big is fighting with you, you might get scared too. I do think the officer used excessive force, most definetly. But I don't believe it was because of the suspects race.

The rioting and looting in ferguson is not racial either, it is directly related to mob mentality. If you put a bunch of people together who feel wronged and are angry, chaos will ensue, no matter what the race. 

Another major issue is the media. In their attempt to create ratings they will say whatever is necessary, and report untruthful information if need be. Of race wars make ratings, they are all in, no matter what damage it does or how many years of progress it destroys.

So what have I done in this blog other than make myself look racist? I'm not sure. I'm not sure of what the solution is either. I'm not a public leader or politician(thank god). I would challenge you all to be good people first and white or black, second. 

I genuinely believe that if minorities thought of themselves as equal, we would move in the right direction toward equality. 

So to all the humans who have read this. I hope this does not anger most of you. I hope you take my words the way I was trying to project them. I hope you look at every angle of situation before judging another person. Fathers are fathers, moms are moms, sons are sons, crooks are crooks, killers are killers, no matter what race. We are all human beings, and all have the ability to see the good in others, and in ourselves before judging. I'm not perfect, but for the sake of my children and future generations, we all need to try harder. 

Have we no shame?

In line at Walmart today I patiently waited. As I waited I became more and more impatient, and increasingly angry. I was not angry because it was taking too long, or that I had someplace to be. The first thing that angered me was something we have all experienced. First a little backstory. I had shopped and selected the items that I needed, and proceeded to the proper checkout line labeled "20 items or less". During my checkout line selection process I carefully inspected the carts of the people in front of me to make sure there were no imposters with an amount of items that exceeded the allowable limit. After my recon I determined that lane 3 was a sufficient line, not only to ensure me a speedy checkout, but also filled with honest patrons with proper integrity and whom possess express lane etiquette. After the first shopper checked out quickly I got a little excited at the prospect of me being on deck, but I was being so very naive. What happened next was my worst nightmare. The shopper at the register was joined by another cart, with well over 20 items in it. Whaaaaaat? The couple had not only kinda cut me, but they were legally drunk on items, they were sitting at double the limit. I was steaming for a bit, but then I let it go, until I start to observe and count their items:

2 Digornio pizzas(one cheese and one chicken Parmesan)

1 box of corn dogs

2 boxes of egg rolls

Ect ect ect.

I look away when I realize I am staring in disdain, and see that Jennifer Anniston is pregnant again?!?!! I look back again after what seemed like an eternity, only to over hear that this particular family was using "EBT" aka food stamps, to pay for their purchase. There is only a few things I find wrong with that. Number 1: Why can you buy food that is terrible for you with food stamps?!? Número dos: Why are these people who need state assistance dressed better than I am? Why do they have expense brand named clothes and iphone 5's? I must have missed the memo. It irked me a little bit, not necessarily that specific incident, but it had me thinking about it as a whole. Why do we offer food stamps,Medicare, or any other state/federal assistance? It seems like a reward for lazy people. In the good ol' days, non contributors starved. Now they flourish. They have multiple kids that they can't take care of just to take advantage of the many forms of assistance that are available to them. The sad thing is, they drop their kids off with grandma and grandpa everyday at 7am anyway, and it's not to go to work. I'm just ccomplaing about things I can't change again, don't mind me. All I'm  saying is, if you can't afford food then you shouldn't be able to afford American eagle jeans and ambercrombie shirts. These sort of things just shine another bright light on how consumer driven our lives are. Sad. If you want more information about my views on consumerism, read some of my older blogs. 

Until next time my children.

Take notes

What's so different? Why does the world seem to be falling apart all around us? Maybe it's not too different after all. Perhaps I was sheltered from it as a child, protected by oblivious innocence. Today's world is full of hate and violence, death and destruction. We are programming ourselves and our children to believe that this is just the way it is. Why can't it be different? Why can't we change the present to positively affect the future?

The truth is, the government won't allow that to happen. Change is bad. Change is the enemy. The government is too busy keeping all the busy bees working and stuck in the hive. Work and spend. Work and pay taxes. Work until you can't work anymore, and now your too old to enjoy anything. They keep us so busy we don't even know what is going on around us, so we watch "The News", which conveniently has only what our government wants us to see. A few stories of hope and good will, and a hundred stories filled with tons of fear, laced with a thin layer of security. If we as a people stay scared, we don't take chances, we don't leave our bubble. We stick to our daily routines, we protect what we can and control what we can.

Working with our government are huge companies and corporations, selling us what they think we need. Trinkets and objects that make our lives easier, and make us think less. Things that take away any challenges physically or mentally, giving us more time to eat the fat filled foods, further cementing us in the system. We as a people are not only buying into the system, we are working diligently to stay there.

Your average person today knows not how to build a fire, or set up a tent. Hell, most people can't shoot a gun, or skin an animal(but the government doesn't want you to do that anyway). As a child I was lucky enough to learn these things and many more, but these life/survival skills have been replaced by computer games and tv shows. Why don't they want us to know how to do these things??? So we are more reliant on the system. So we work. So we pay taxes. Why can't we own guns? So we aren't a threat to them, so we can't defend ourselves. It's all about reliance. I am by no stretch a gun rights activist or a conspiracy theorist. I am just stating the obvious.

So why is the world such a bad place? Well in short, because we simply don't care anymore, we don't have to. We are given so many other things to distract us that we don't care about anything short of the newest iPhone, or the next Delicious Carl's jr burger. Who cares about what's going on in a different part of the world when you can't control it, what you can do is start up your newly financed car and drive to McDonald's for a Big Mac meal.

So now the big question. How do we change things? How can one person make a difference? In these "hard times" of terrorism, economic decline, and presidential stupidity, we find ourselves trying to help. The only problem is, we are applying ourselves in the wrong areas. Watching tv and sending donations to companies and organizations that claim to benefit a worthy cause or charity, when in fact they probably don't. Why not try instead helping out a local family in need. Perhaps you could donate your time rather than your money, at a local food bank or homeless shelter. Hold the door open for a disabled individual. Be kind, courteous, and respectful to every person you come across. A little goes a long way.
It sounds cliché, but being a good person can make and inspire change.

It is socially accepted and even praised to be a jerk in present day. It wasn't like this 20-30 years ago. It wasn't like that because parents actually parented. Adults were adults, and kids were kids. Kids weren't prematurely exposed to sex, drugs and violence like they are today and forced to grow up too fast. You now have children thinking in adult terms, watching adult programs, and doing adult activities. Personally I think that all of this garbage is creating negativity in our youth. Pair that with a lack of discipline and work ethic, and it's a delicious recipe for disaster. So now we have a fresh generation of consumerism enslaved children ready to go to school, to get to college , to get a job, to work until they are 70, then retire, then die. Well, if they are capable of death, because at this point we are just raising robots, perfectly built and groomed to benefit the system. Do you suppose these kids care about being genuine? Kind? Courteous? I didn't think so. These children only care about themselves and how they can benefit themselves. And you wonder why half of them grow up shooting up schools and bombing sporting events.

I'm guessing that this far into my little rant my thoughts are starting to get scrambled, and maybe not make any damn sense. I'm just spit balling here, so please forgive me. I should probably do what I normally do when I start rambling. List it out.

Dan's secret list of how to change the world:(in no particular order)

- Teach your children how to hunt, fish, camp, forage, ect.

- Teach your children how to respect others, and care for others.

- Don't rely on others to supply you with all the things that you need.

- Take care of your body and inspire others to do the same.

- Don't be a slave to your consumer products.
(this one is hard for me too, work in progress).

- Do what you love to do, don't give in to social pressure.

- Don't be afraid to do the right thing.

- Don't be afraid to do the "wrong" thing.

- Recycle, ride a bike, take a walk.

- Care about the right things, not about what the media wants you to care about.

- You can't control everything, but take control of what you can.

- Don't fuel the media fire.

The list is longer than this, but you get the point. Doing things for yourself is step one. Then you can inspire others as well. If I sound like a conspirator I apologize. But more and more I see the media and government trying to control every aspect of our lives, and it makes the world a scary place.

Some of what I said here will make sense to you, some won't. Take notes of what connects with you. If you don't agree with the things I have said, then turn off the news and go outside, it's a really nice place.

Curious.......very curious.

My mind can't help but wander from time to time. The fact that my helpless wandering has become more and more frequent is what worries me. I think of this and that, and that and this. My mind never shuts off, never slows down, never stops. Half of the time I am contemplating important things, the other half I am thinking about pointless movie quotes. I guess it's a good thing, but sometimes I just want to be so dumb that my brain doesn't care if it is stagnant and turning to mush.

So while thinking, about whatever topic I may have in my head at the time, I go through the many scenarios in which said topic will play out. My thoughts are more long term than short, and my movie quotes are more comedy than any other genre.

Now that I have given you a very vague insight into my brain, you can come along on a pointless magical journey.

Our journey begins on a mystic mountain top, where lamas dance and dwarfs work the lights. I know you are now wondering, "who is the DJ of this rocking event?" The answer is quite simple really: Captain Planet. The music choice of the evening is obviously 80's alternative, with disco ball in tow. 

After the party, CP takes off to perform whatever politically driven tasks he has been assigned, the dwarf returns to the caves, and the lama runs into the sunset. 

The event was a fundraiser feebly attempting to return CP's mediocre show onto the air. It wasn't a total bust though. Alf showed up half lit, and they raised a total of $13.00.

The story sounded much better in my head, trust me. So now I am wondering, where has Captain Planet been? By now I would guess that he has given up on the environment. There isn't much left to save, and he isn't a real super hero. He probably spent a while hopped up on the devils lettuce and eating vegan food while growing a sick nasty all natural beard. Even Captain Planet can only be all natural for so long, so he most likely makes the switch to a synthetic drug like meth, and OD's on some Walter White pure blue.

Sometimes transitions aren't easy, and this one is no different. It's Harry Potter time folks. Okay I'm not gonna go to far into a Hogwartz coma and go super nerd, but I do feel like you guys should know what my favorite part of any of the movies is. It is understated and elegant and gives me goosebumps every time: (Via IMDB quotes)

Mr. Ollivander: Curious... very curious...

Harry: Sorry, but what's curious?

Mr. Ollivander: I remember every wand I've ever sold, Mr. Potter. It so happens that the phoenix whose tailfeather resides in your wand gave another feather... just one other. It is curious that you should be destined for this wand when its brother gave you that scar.

Harry: And who owned that wand?

Mr. Ollivander: We do not speak his name! The wand chooses the wizard, Mr. Potter. It's not always clear why. But I think it is clear that we can expect great things from you. After all, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named did great things. Terrible! Yes. But great.

GOLD, PURE DAMN GOLD!

I love all of those movies but I could watch that scene on loop until I die.

When I start to talk about things that not only don't make any sense, but have no actual relevance to anything whatsoever, aside from producing run on sentences, (like this one), I tend to dig deep and bring up moves or shows from my childhood. Enter : "A Pigs Tale".

 

I watched this movie many times as a young kid. A cliche tale of kids at summer camp and the wacky experiences they had. I never had the chance to attend a summer camp as a child, so I found myself clinging to any movie about summer camp. Luckily as a 90's kid I has about a billion summer camp movies to chose from. This film had it all, the ghost stories, bullying, capture the flag, forbidden love, all of it. If you haven't seen it I do suggest watching it immediately, I give it my personal endorsement. Also "heavyweights" is great, more mainstream and probably seen by all, but still great. 

Well if you don't feel dumb after reading this, read it again or read another one of my blogs and you should. If you liked anything you read feel free to share. Stay thirsty my friends.

How far must we fall?

Without mentioning the countless tragedies and hardships this world encounters every day, I will attempt to make some statements in this blog that will make you think, and upgrade your way of thinking.(Just keep in mind I used the word "attempt".) With that being said, I will also provide you with two warnings:

1. My sentences and thoughts tend to run on and are scattered.

2. I may offend you.

If you still feel prepared to read on, enjoy my rambling.

When I was a young child I was faced with many tough decisions. Play with the GI joes or the hot wheels? Apple juice or orange juice? Mullet or bowl cut? Well I may not have been in control over that last one(if you look at old pics of me it's obvious I wasn't), but one of the choices I always had to make as a kid was this: is the reward for this action worth the potential punishments I will receive for doing it? In most cases the punishment was a spanking or being grounded, so it was fairly easy to measure how far I would test the right/wrong boundaries. Depending on the severity of my misbehaving I may even get more harshly punished, that decision was the adults to make.

That was a long time ago, and now in the year 2012 and merging into 2013 we wonder where we have gone wrong. Lets start there, with my simple walk down memory lane about a bright red set of buttcheeks as a child, a welcome punishment for my miscues and disobedience. In this wonderful world we live in, kids don't get spankings when in trouble. Somehow in our new age children have the power. Where do they get the power you ask? It's a little place called child services. With so many kids falsely accusing parents of abusive behavior just to get their way, it has become the norm for parents to stop harsh hands on punishments all together. While CPS definitely serves a purpose and is needed, , it gets misused more often than not. Another source of blame is the hippy thinking tree huggers who don't believe in spanking their kids. You know who you are.

What is the result of all this BS? It's pretty simple really. If there are no consequences for your actions, you wont learn the true definition of right and wrong. What's worse even than that, is that some new wave thinking has parents rewarding for bad behavior. So if a kid breaks a window and has no punishment what so ever, what stops him from breaking another window? Lets pair this with our society's consumeristic tendencies and create a real big bag of crap.

Now you have your pre-teen kid who has a flat screen tv, Xbox, play station, computer, cell phone, ect
Ect. These kids are so spoiled they have developed a sense of entitlement. Pair that with a lack of discipline and that is a very dangerous mix. When this is carried on through a child's life until they are teens it blossoms into something even more asininely beautiful. Now you have a spoiled kid who has been handed everything on a silver platter, who is also smart enough to know that they don't have any repercussions for their miscues. What gives this teen any motivation to get good grades? Nothing. Because parents don't care. The kids graduate (amazingly), don't go to college, don't get a job, and start breeding. With no possible morals present, and immensely desensitized to violence via the news and video games at a young age, BAM!!! It's a sad (opinionated) outlook , that also happens to be true.

So we have multiple generations of dumbasses that can't even set up a damn tent, play video games all day, treat each other like crap, and have no motivation to do anything. If things aren't going their way, they wine and cry and someone (parents, government ect) give them what they want. So what happens when the world is full of obese people who don't want to work? Oh wait aren't we there already? I digress....... I may just be line dancing around this topic and sounding like a self centered smart ass, maybe.....but hey, it's my blog.

Now with all these massacres and shootings and junk, the news wants to cover these stories for weeks and months and ask questions like "why!!?" And "what was wrong with this individual?" , the proper question is "what is wrong with all of us?" Our society sucks, we raise our children wrong, praising them for mediocrity and sub par intelligence. We have to advertise on tv in a subliminal way to get their fat asses off the couch to go outside and play. Really??!? That is insane. We put garbage on tv and in our video games that is age appropriately labeled and our spineless parents let us watch and play it just so they don't have to say"no" while they shovel Cheetos and bacon on our plates so we shut up and leave them alone.

Why don't parents have time for their kids anymore? The hamster wheel of life is too important now, and to fast. Work-work-work-make-money-buy-house-huge-mortgage-have-to-work-for-life-retire-just-before-you-die-and-then-die. Pretty terrible if you ask me. When our kids finally do pull their heads out of their slop buckets and work, they will follow our example of the work till you die schedule.

So when you see a person committing crimes and killing people, that's the root problem? If you are keeping track at home, it's the parents. Most people end up parents by accident, and don't care to try. They end up letting day cares or family members raise their kids with mixed values and a healthy dose of television. So maybe try some sort of contraception. Just sayin.

The other issue is ofcourse the judicial system. After the lost generation grows to be adults, there are still practically no consequences for committing a crime. Plea deals, claiming insanity blah blah blah. Murder gets reduced to manslaughter. Manslaughter reduced to negligent Homicide or whatever. No one is scared of getting arrested, because they aren't going to serve much time, if any.

My crime punishment system is pretty simple:

Murder : Punishable by death, to be carried out immediately, by way of method used to commit said murder.

Manslaughter: Punishable by death, to be carried out immediately, by way of public hanging.

Rape: Punishable by death, to be carried out immediately, by way of public stoning.

Child molestation: Punishable by death, to be carried out immediately, by way of public hanging and public stoning, followed by incineration.

Theft: Removal of one finger for misdemeanor theft, removal of hand for felony theft.

Obviously I haven't listed everything. That's just a general guideline. "But Dan, what about people that are innocent?" Well faceless reader whose question is actually asked by the myself in a preventive manner, the answer is this :
If you are even in a position to be accused of murder, rape, ect, you are not making very smart choices now are you? You deserve what you get, and I will sacrifice a few losers to make the world a better place. I am not insensitive and surely not a jerk, just the way I feel, take it or take it. (A new phrase I have been working on, pretty legit.)

These harsh truths I have provided you may or may not make any sense, I have yet to actually go back and read them over, and I may not #WingingIt. #HashTagOnAHashTag. I hope you enjoyed reading, and until next time.

Signed
Crazy DB

America: the land of the free , the home of the over medicated

As a child I was oft injured, as were my siblings. Wether it simple scrape of the elbow or blood running down our face, we rarely visited the local hospital. This was partly due to the fact that we couldn't afford to, other was in part to my father and the way he was raised. Sure there were the occasions in which duct tape couldn't seal the wound and we had to make that financially painful trip to the doctor,(Mostly on my accord) but not too often.

My father was a single dad for most of my life, and while he tried his best, sometimes compassion isn't high on the list. If you get a cold, have a cough drop and some soup. If you have a cut, use a towel to clean up the blood and daddy taped the cut up, then back to playtime. If you get a bruise toughen up. Back then maybe it seemed insensitive and downright uncleanly, but I am very grateful as an adult. My immune system is fantastic now. I get sick maybe once a year, my cuts heal quickly, and I am in great health. I am doing my best to raise my kids the same way.

In today's society there are medicines and remedies for everything from physical pain to mental issues. It seems like people automatically turn to pills when something is wrong. Sure there are some instances when medicine is needed, but come on people. Someone gets a scratch on their arm and they are at the doctor getting bandaged up and diagnosed with a "lateral laceration", they say it hurts and BAM, the doctor says "your Percocet is available for pickup at the Walmart pharmacy".

Today it's like no one has any tolerance for pain, mental or physical. If they are feeling sad, must be something wrong, get some pills. Oh my back hurts, get some pills. Now that everyone's bodies are so dependent on these drugs, their immune systems are worthless, which leads to more.......you guessed it, pills.

Suggestion from Mr. Know-it-all Dan:
Go out and play in the dirt. Go get a cut on your hand and don't put a bandaid on it. Introduce your body to some hard work or hard play and build up your immunities. Go outside and breathe in the fresh air. Live a little. After all that is over and you feel exhausted and maybe a little sick and sore, DON'T MEDICATE yourself. Give it a shot, it won't kill you.(But just in case it does I am not liable in any way, shape, or form).

I may be ranting, but who cares, I'm sick of hypochondriac people and the next generation of hypochondriacs they are raising.

I was a lucky person in my book to have been raised the way I was. It also helps that to this day I can't swallow pills.(Yes I know you're laughing but it's true). The only medicine I take is liquid Tylenol when I get migraines(which is pretty frequently since i prolly have a brain tumor), and the occasional NyQuil when I am deathly ill with my once a year cold. I'm not preaching though, if you are a pill popper than do your thing. Just don't come crying to me about all your medical issues, because I genuinely don't care, we can talk about football or something though.

Maybe I will sing a different tune when I get older and my body starts to deteriorate from all the stupid stuff I did as a kid, we will see. I know that my old man has been complaining of his knee hurting for about 10 years and finally went into the doc a couple months ago. Apparently his hip is completely gone and needing replaced. So instead of his body using his hip the way it should, all the pressure has been on his knee. He was very resistant but will get the surgery this December. It just reminds me of my childhood, and how I learned to be tough.....or stubborn.

Well I'm not sure what kind of points I have made, or if I am just poking fun at people. Either way it's been a good time. Until next time people, until next time.

A night at the fights

When I get an opportunity to watch some cage fights, I am always game. Last night was no exception. Rick suggested we go and I obliged. This was the debut event of a new fight promotion in town, so I was somewhat interested to see how it played out.

The night started off completely normal. Rick and I entered and searched for our table, number 43. We sat down and started to talk about how high the ticket prices were and how crappy out seats were compared to events past. The people at the table with us seemed completely normal. We didn't even know what the night had in store for us.

Our table layout was simple. Two couples, in their early twenties, just chat chitting, waiting for the festivities to begin, and us. There were some empty seats that would soon be filled with the wildcard of the night.

The fights were running late (crazy right?!?), so these strangers decided they wanted to talk to me and Rick. None of us knew each other, so naturally it was awkward. The first person to engage in a convo with us was josh, a bro from delta(assumed) who supposedly trains with all these fighters and can kick all their asses. Joining josh was his date Jenna, who probably didn't say one word all night, who Rick recalled as a Monroe student he knew of but didn't "know".(you know how that works). The other bro at the table was Tyler, whom Rick had recognized as an old school mate from elementary, and at hutch. Tyler was a self proclaimed cage fighter of course, with earrings and tatoos. Tyler's date was the polar opposite of Josh's. I think her name was Ariella, or some kind of stripper name like that. Ariella was a cage fighter too, who thought she knew josh from the fights in delta, where she "made that bitch sit down", which was a different way of saying she knocked her opponent out. After speaking with the already intoxicated, not intentional double daters for a while, the fights were finally ready to begin.

As the fights started two of the empty seats at the table were stealthily filled, by Josh's dad, and his date, Sarah. Josh's dad was exactly what you would imagine, a alcoholic mid 50's dude wearing a fedora. His date on the other hand, was not what you would expect, a mid 20's girl in a dress more fit for a ball than fights, who was way out of his league.

The first initial thoughts shared by Rick an I were of ofcourse: Hooker. While we were obviously joking, we could help but think there was some truth to it. Josh's dad introduced himself, as "Josh's dad"(how original), he formally introduced us to his date as well. Quickly after the heartfelt introductions, an old connection was made. Josh's dad and Ariella caught eyes and soon embraced in a hug. Apparently they had met at the "bitch sat down" fights in delta, and had dinner after as a group. Now that everyone was introduced and our roster was set, the fights could start.

Fight number one was christened with the departure of Jenna(Josh's date). She had left her jacket so a return was inevitable, but you wouldn't know that by the look on Josh's face. Tyler and Ariella are hanging all up on each other and everyone is drinking a decent amount, other than me and Rick, who are downing H20 at a bladder bursting rate.

As the fights dragged on, Tyler and josh started to bet drinks based upon each fights outcome. The sad part is, those bets were more competitive than the fights themselves. Josh's dad began to talk with his date and proclaim that her name in his phone was "hooker girl", or something like that, further cementing our suspicions.

Josh's dad would frequently leave the table, much like Josh's date Jenna. As the two would leave, Sarah and josh would scoot closer and talk closer. Soon, josh and the call girl leave the table together, and return 5 minutes later at different times. I was not sure what to make of this, so I assumed what everyone naturally would.

What happened next left me confused, but not Rick, he knew what was going on. Tyler's GF Ariella got up to go somewhere, and Tyler asked Sarah(assumed streetwalker) to go to the bathroom with him. Josh's dad immediately says "oh shit, this is gonna be bad" and jets off. So I tell Rick that I am very confused, so he explained it to me much like a father would a confused child. Rick stated that Tyler had requested the hooker accompany him, because Tyler was attempting to pay the hooker for her services, possibly for a menajahtwa. I was shocked, and happy because I had found some entertainment.

While Tyler was away, his GF returned. Tyler and the whore returned, shortly followed by Josh's dad. Josh returned later, and we were back at full capacity. Tyler and Ariella had some understandable tension building between them, and so did josh and Jenna, whom made a few appearances at the table in the mean time. Josh started telling the harlot how if Jenna doesn't come back he doesn't care and it is her loss, Sarah acts like she cares in hopes to make some money off josh.

Somewhat suddenly Ariella got up and slammed her chair into the table, while muttering incomprehensible angry words, while Tyler screams "whatever just go". No more than 2.453 minutes after Tyler's GF takes off, Sarah asks/orders Tyler, "you wanna get out of here?"(I can't make this stuff up, it's true)so Tyler steadfastily replies "yeah". Before Sarah can even get her coat on, here comes Ariella, apparently calmed from the previous little fight her and Tyler had, sits down and snuggles up to him. The look on Tyler's face was well worth the $50 admission for the sub par fights.

Sarah is perturbed and now turns her attention back to josh. Josh is not warming up to her as much now that she tried to go home with Tyler. Josh now asks Tyler, "how much weight do I need to gain to fight you?" So now as you can imagine they are having a pissing contest, talking like manly men, fighting over a common street whore.

Things don't escalate to the point of fisticuffs, much to my dismay. Rick and I are puzzled, almost in a daze because we literally couldn't believe what was going on.

The rest of the night was just a table of pure tension and awkwardness, but Rick and I were sitting pretty. We had the privilege of a real life soap opera playing out for us, and we had front row seats. It just goes to show you what can be accomplished with the perfect combination of liquor and crazy people.

Quick summary:
Hooker
Cage fighter
Girl cage fighter
Drunk dad
Whore
Streetwalker
Harlot
Lady of the evening
Creepy old guy
Other cage fighter
Hilarious

Well folks, there you have it. Sometimes you go expecting a fight, and wind up witnessing pure gold. If you ever attend the local fights, try table 43, it worked for us.