Bearding

Does a beard make a man? Perhaps, but the more important question is this: What can't a beard do? Look in the mirror and assess yourself. How is your facial hair? How is the amount of facial hair you do or don't have affect your life? Here is a scenario for you. Let's say you are in a very fancy business suit, late for a meeting, and still need to grab some lunch. You run by wherever burger and grab an extra sloppy meal. As you are digging into your food a large mound of sauce drips from your sandwich and plummets toward your neat and tidy clothes, what is to stop it? A beard, that's what. What will save you during a long cold winter? Excalibeard. If you need a job and the only one available is a lumberjack position, you ain't getting that kind of work with a hairless baby face, that's a guarantee. A man can not truly achieve greatness without a fantastically glorious beard. My beard is not quite there yet, and that's okay. If your beard is just on the cusp of legendary like mine, don't fret, your time will come. Just be patient, shave regularly, pay your dues and you will be rewarded. Every man is almost automatically granted a metaphorical, intangible, "man card". On that man card, there is an asterisk next to your name, that signifies a beard worthy of brushing. Abe Lincoln, chuck Norris, that dude in "over the top" that drinks oil. You already know what these brochaco's have in common. So come on fellas, beard up or sit down. Man up or stand down. Bro up or shut up. Show up or get out. Enter additional generic manly statement here. If you truly can't grow any kind of facial hair, I am sorry. You will be damned to a life of lesser manliness. I can not help you with this, but you have my sympathy. So here is a toast, to all my bearded brothers, wherever you may be. Stay hairy my friends.